Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Flickchart Cage Match! x5!

Today I decided I'd write about the first five random Flickchart match-ups that the website gave me.  There's some good movies in here!  And some crap.  But you can't get away from that, eh?

True Lies v. Santa Sangre
Winner: Santa Sangre
Santa Sangre is a sprawling, amazing film that is weird as all living shit.  A child is traumatized when his knife-thrower father nearly murders his acrobat mother in a fit of rage by cutting her arms off.  The child grows up to become her arms, by which I mean he stands behind her and puts his arms through the sleeves of her shirt to cut her dinner for her.  There's also an extended comic interlude of mental patients going to the movies and having a great time with hookers and coke, and already you can see why I prefer it to a better-than-average Schwarzenegger vehicle.

Sleeper v. House on Haunted Hill*
Winner: House on Haunted Hill
My reaction to Sleeper was "Ah, I can see why some people think Woody Allen is hilarious". On the other hand, I liked House on Haunted Hill way more than I thought I would. The Vincent Price factor, combined with haunted house jump scares that are EVEN MORE EFFECTIVE for being so obvious makes this one of the best halloween films I've ever seen.

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country v. Waking Ned Devine
Winner: Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
While I vaguely remember Ned Devine as another quirky late 90's British comedy export, I mostly remember the naked old dude on a motorcycle.  Star Trek VI was a lot of fun, considering I'm not big on the original series.  Very Agatha Christie-ish, and with a Klingon Christopher Lloyd to boot!

Brother v. The Matrix Reloaded
Winner: Brother
Takeshi Kitano is a great filmmaker, but Brother is not his best work.  I'd recommend his existential yakuza tragedy Sonatine, or the samurai action-comedy The Blind Swordsman: Zatoichi.  Yet any chance I get to vote down The Matrix Reloaded is one I can't refuse.

My Dinner with Andre v. Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Winner: Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Andre is an art-house favorite, notable for mostly being one long conversation between two dudes playing thinly veiled versions of themselves discussing life (one of whom is that "Inconceivable!" guy from The Princess Bride).  It's a movie that's worth seeing, and I remember doing so fondly at that quirky hippy theater in Frostburg.  But I don't really need to see it again.  To be fair, Bedknobs is a second-rate Mary Poppins, but so much quirkier!  Plus, if Angela Lansbury is in a movie, it's gonna be hard for me to rate it down, and that holds here too.  Oh Eglantine!

1 comment:

  1. Did you seriously call Bedknobs and Broomsticks a second-rate Mary Poppins? Because Mary Poppins was shit compared to the UTTER FUCKING MAJESTY that is Bedknobs and Broomsticks. THEY BEAT THE NAZIS. What did that stupid Poppins woman ever do? I am totally yelling at you when you get up.

    I shouldn't even be allowed to read this....